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Clingin’ Like a Waistband

Jeremiah 13:11 (NASB)

11 For as the waistband clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole household of Israel and the whole household of Judah cling to Me,’ declares the Lord, ‘that they might be for Me a people, for renown, for praise and for glory; but they did not listen.’

One of the symbolic acts that the Lord asks Jeremiah to perform to demonstrate a message to Judah is to buy a linen waistband, wear it and then go hide it near the Euphrates in the crevice of a rock.  After some time passes God sends Jeremiah back to retrieve the waistband which has by that time become rotten and worthless.

How does a waistband become worthless?  It loses its ability to cling, to wrap itself around God’s middle.  Some versions actually translate waistband as loin cloth.  If you go to the commentaries there is much discussion as to whether or not a waistband represented an overgarment (like an apron worn over the priestly garments or an undergarment literally next to the skin).  Was it meant to represent an ornament or intimacy?  I think there is certainly a case for both.

Either way in verse 11 God says, “I made the whole household of Israel and the whole household of Judah to cling to Me.”  God made us to cling to Him.  This is our purpose.  Everything in our culture tells us the opposite.  The world practically screams that we need to be independent, self-sufficient and overachieving.  To cling to anyone or anything, to DEPEND on anyone or anything is considered weak and even wrong.

But God says it brings Him praise and glory when we cling to Him.  Whether the waistband is a loin cloth worn next to the skin or an apron worn as an outer garment, they both figuratively represent garments worn around the most intimate parts of God.  Personally, I think this goes back to Jeremiah 9:23 – 24 and the importance of knowing God.  Not knowing about God, but having a deep, intimate connection with Him that bears fruit.

God was crying out to Judah, as He does to me (us), “Cling to Me, Know Me.”  Judah’s painful reply to God was consistently refusal and rebellion.

In this same passage, because Judah refused to cling to God, God calls them worthless (see verse 7).  They were not fulfilling their purpose, they were not glorifying God by their dependency on Him.  Our purpose is to cling to God, depend on Him and then according to verse 11, we will be a people “for renown, for praise and for glory”.  We bring glory to God not by all our strength and independence and self-sufficiency – Judah had plenty of those things – we bring glory to God by clinging to Him.

“Father, may we bring glory to You by surrendering our plans and agendas to You and walking in dependence on You, clinging to You as if our lives depend on it.”

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Unmasked

Every time I sit to write there are a couple of nagging questions in the back of my mind: 1) what if this time I have nothing to say?  2) what if what’s in my heart doesn’t make sense on the screen?  Sometimes trying to articulate in the natural what God is doing in the Spirit can be challenging and overwhelming.  And let’s just face it, it’s never going to come out perfectly anyway.

For the past couple of weeks, really beginning with All. Is. Grace., moving to the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her hair and tears and then particularly walking out of darkness like Lazarus and being angry with God, the content of my posts has been written to share more of the real me.  I am intentionally removing the masks I’ve worn for many years, the masks I’ve hidden behind (even from myself) and sharing Kim.

Increasingly, each post has become more and more like giving birth – painful, tearful, at some point I am not sure if it’s ever going to happen, but then joyful and life-giving when it finally arrives.  From the reader’s perspective I am not sure if anyone would be able to see a discernible difference, but writing has become more of a working out my faith in fear and trembling, than a systematic process.

In fact, as I write each post God has often been doing a deep work on this side of my computer.  As He gives me words to articulate my life there is a growing depth to our relationship because I really am depending on Him every step of the way.  Sometimes I am even having revelation as I type or as I share with friends thoughts and ideas that eventually get published.

So, if this journey is so awesome (and it is), you might be shocked to learn that as I’ve shared without the masks so to speak I have been battling a growing anxiety.  When I first started the blog the Publish button was bullying me around.  I have come to terms with the fact that the Publish button works for me, not me for it.  It is not going to do anything that doesn’t serve my purposes (except for the time I accidentally hit Publish instead of Preview and my post left the Draft folder before I was ready).  In other words, I have made peace with it and we are now friends.

The growing anxiety has come AFTER I hit Publish and my humble offerings have gone out to the world.  As friends read their posts via email, or come to my site or click the link on Facebook, or however they arrive to my online home and partake of my inner most thoughts, my pulse starts to race, my breathing gets faster and knots form in my stomach.  As my site meter climbs and the number of visitors and views grows I actually get nauseous.

For about the last two weeks my stomach has hurt almost constantly.  It’s hurt in spite of the fact that I am getting positive feedback and encouragement regularly (and yes even from people who don’t know and love me).  It’s hurt in spite of the profound closeness I’ve experienced with the Lord in the writing of each post.

While I have shared this with a couple of very close friends, I have for the most part kept this between me and the Lord.  Finally He showed me some of what’s been going on in my heart.  When I hit Publish I am not looking for approval from people or way more importantly from Him, I am actually EXPECTING REJECTION, particularly from Him.  The anxiety is in the waiting and anticipation of the rejection to manifest itself.  Let’s be honest, expecting rejection has been the whole reason behind wearing the masks all these years.  As they come off, there’s nothing between me and you, between me and God.  The potential for intimacy is great, but the potential for pain is huge too.

Instead of resting in His UNCONDITIONAL Love, His TOTAL acceptance of me, the high value He places on me (did you know Believers in Christ are worth as much to God as Jesus Christ Himself?), and trusting I am secure in Him, I have been waiting for Him to say, “No, that post isn’t right,” or “No, you are not cut out for this,” or, “Is that the best you can do?”

I think God moves us out of our comfort zones to take us to new places of relationship with Him.  Not only am I learning to depend on Him for the writing itself, but I am learning that the outcome is completely up to Him too.  Yes, I might get hurt in this process.  Yes, I will make mistakes.  Yes, it is possible that no one may ever “get me”, except God.  But to know Him in a more intimate and revealing way and to experience life lived out of relationship with Him, it’s so worth the risk.

And no matter where this writing adventure (or anything else in my life) goes or where it doesn’t, God is pleased with me.  He is pleased with me simply because I am His daughter.  And if I may be so bold, I think He’s actually excited for me and about me.

As I wrap up this post, this is the song the Lord put on my heart, What Joy.  Enjoy! (Sarah Emerson does a beautiful job, but this Mama LOVES to hear her babies sing this song! It’s my blog, I can be partial if I want. :))

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Trapped

One morning last week I took two of my daughters to school and then went back home.  While driving home a friend called so I was still on the phone when I came back into our house.  I walked into the kitchen and started my morning chores (that’s code for cleaning up the tornado that blew through the house as the girls got ready for school) while I chatted on the phone.  As I loaded the dishwasher I heard a strange noise in another room.  It sounded familiar, but out-of-place so I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

I walked around the house looking for the noise, keeping my friend on the phone in case of emergency, but couldn’t find it.  After about ten minutes, I was standing in my bedroom when I turned around because I sensed something behind me and a small bird flew right towards me.  It was so strange to see something so familiar, but completely out of context.  The bird flew past my head and into the master bathroom.  About that time the gears in my brain engaged and I shut the door so he couldn’t get out.  I figured it would buy me some time until I could decide what to do.

I got off the phone and quickly got the person in charge of all critter-related emergencies when Dad is not home, my oldest daughter (read here about the deer incident).  I outlined our strategy for Operation Get-the-Bird-the-Heck-Out: she would go downstairs and open the front and back doors while I opened my bathroom door, broom in hand, and swooped the bird downstairs and out one of the two exits.  I thought giving him two options was really generous, and I was sure he was smart enough to pick one.

The moment of truth came, I flung open the bathroom door, but instead of flying out my bedroom door he flew the opposite direction and right into my bedroom window, getting himself stuck between the window and the blinds.  At this point I was clearly in over my head and in dire need of a real critter expert so I called my husband.

He told me to close our bathroom door, closet door, and bedroom door and then open our side door that leads outside onto a little deck off our bedroom.  In my defense, I didn’t think of that first because there is stuff in front of that door that keeps us from opening it.  I can’t even remember the last time one of us went out there.  I prefer to think of it simply as unusable wall space…I have come to COMPLETELY ignore the door, so naturally I didn’t think to open it for the bird.

Once I moved everything and opened the door the bird found his way out in less than sixty seconds.  Once again critter-free, I headed downstairs to get some work done and didn’t think anything else about the whole thing until after lunch.  When it came time for afternoon carpool I went back to my bathroom to brush my teeth.  I opened my bathroom door for the first time since the bird event and could not believe what I saw.  That tiny little, scared, trapped, overwhelmed bird had managed to poop all over my bathroom in the few minutes he had been in there.  It looked like everything he had eaten for a month exited his body in one panicked frenzy right in my bathroom!

When I wrote Friday about some of the ugly part of my story, I shared about reaching a place of brokenness and pain and finding myself angry at God, I was thinking about that little bird in my bathroom.  Just like him I found myself in an unfamiliar, confined, scary place and LOTS of ugly stuff came out of me.  Stuff that had been trapped in my heart for years.  I don’t really want to elaborate any further on exactly what some of that ugly stuff was, but let’s just say it was one of the few times in our twenty-six year relationship I have ever seen my husband look scared.  At one point he actually took a few steps back from me in our kitchen, I think he thought lightning was coming down from heaven.

One of the reasons I trapped that bird in the bathroom was to keep him from getting hurt (e.g. flying into things, getting stuck somewhere, the dog playing fetch with him, etc.).  When God let me get to the end of myself it was because He didn’t want me to hurt anymore.  He wanted so much for me to run to Him, to lay down my exhausting agenda and just rest in Him, cling to Him and trust Him.  He wanted me to truly know Him.

But even when I didn’t handle it well, He was still there.  When He promised to never leave me nor forsake me He meant it and no matter how ugly it got, He didn’t abandon me.  Instead He continued to gently love me, pursue me and persuade me of Who He truly is and Who He created me to be.  Eventually, grace overcame and Love won my heart.

How convinced are you of God’s amazing grace and unending love for you?  Enough to lay down your own efforts and trust Him in every area of your life?

“Father, give us the faith to trust You and rest in Who You are, to lay down our own efforts and pursuits to abide in You.”

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Some of the Ugly Part

Jeremiah 15:18 (NASB)

“Why has my pain been perpetual and my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will You indeed be to me like a deceptive stream with water that is unreliable?”

After about thirty years of ministry this is the question Jeremiah put before God.  At the beginning of their relationship in chapter one, God called Jeremiah and told him that he was consecrated and that he was specifically appointed as a prophet to speak for Him.  For thirty years Jeremiah had faithfully proclaimed God’s truth.  Even when his own friends and family members plotted against him (see chapter 11) he turned to the Lord.

There were certainly times that he questioned God (chapter 4 for instance), but in chapter 15 Jeremiah brings his personal misery to God and moves into profound self-pity.  After all these years of ministry he is in so much pain he actually asks God if He has deceived him and if He is unreliable.  In fact, in verse 10 of the same chapter, Jeremiah regrets that he was even born, implying he regrets he was called by God.

Have you ever gotten to that place where you were so miserable and broken as a believer that you were ready to throw in the towel?  Found yourself in so much pain that you wondered why you ever said yes when Jesus called your name?

This confession might be The Ugly part of my tag line “The good, the bad and the ugly”, but in the spirit of full disclosure and being transparent, I can honestly say I have felt EXACTLY that way.  Many years ago I had a similar Jeremiah moment with the Lord (I can’t remember exactly when because I have tried to forget it, but my kids were very young because I was dressed in the frumpy-puritan-holier-than-thou-functional-mommy fashion of the  1990’s Christian scene…it said everything except God thinks I am beautiful!).

We were at church that Sunday morning, I can’t remember what Hosanna or Maranatha praise song we were singing, but something in me snapped and I sat down.  I couldn’t stand up and sing that song because the words were not true, at least in my life.  And not only were the words to the song not true, but in that moment it seemed like God was not true.  Everything in my life was upside down.  Everything was a struggle.  All the questions and all the fears in my heart were screaming in my head like a siren, “NONE OF THIS IS TRUE!”

Then it got worse…the Pastor stood up, took the microphone and said he wanted everyone to march around the sanctuary while we sang…and he was not taking “no” for an answer.  I have never felt more like a hypocrite in my life!  As I stood up (with my spiritual arm twisted behind my back – I am not proud of this, but I knew then what it meant to murder your brother in your heart!) and schlepped around that sanctuary, it was like a dam burst inside me and with every step I took I got angrier and angrier.

Inside I was yelling at heaven, “We’ve tithed and we don’t have two nickels to rub together!  We have given beyond sacrifice and You are not providing!  We have served You in every way possible and You are not taking care of us!  Why is my husband’s business failing? Why aren’t you meeting our needs?  Are You who You say You are or not?”  Translation – “We’ve DONE all the right things God and You have not rewarded us.  You are not doing Your job!”

In hind sight I realize God was trying to bring me to the end of all of my “doing” for Him.  My flesh efforts at righteousness were failing.  He was trying to bring me to a place of brokenness, to the place of allowing my flesh to die and Jesus to live His life through me.  Honestly, I missed the point of the whole event at the time.  But I did repent for being angry with God, sucked it up and kept doing Christian life the way I thought I should for many more years.  Like every other time, I believed there must be some aspect I was failing in and once I figured it out, everything would come together.  It was a long, exhausting road to grace!

But back to Jeremiah…Jeremiah too had been faithful.  Jeremiah obeyed God and up until this point, he really had done it with the right attitude (unlike me).  Here in chapter fifteen though, it just hurt too much.  He had spent thirty years giving up his life for people who didn’t care and didn’t receive him.  And it wasn’t enough!  They were still steeped in their sin and they liked it that way.  Remind you of Anyone?

At this point in the book and Jeremiah’s life, the rubber was meeting the road.  The Babylonians were at the gate so to speak, Jerusalem was under siege and it was time for the price to be paid.  Jeremiah probably knew that it really was only going to get worse from there and he couldn’t go on…in his own strength that is.

What did God want in that moment?  He wanted Jeremiah, all of him, and He wanted to be known by him.  So He did what God always does, He revealed the way back:

Jeremiah 15:19a (NASB)

“Therefore, thus says the Lord, “If you return, then I will restore you— before Me you will stand;”

No matter what our circumstances, no matter where we are in our walk with Him, God wants us to bring it all to Him – the good, the bad and the ugly.  In every area of our lives He wants us know what it means to be one with the Living God, to have Him dwell in us and to live out of the depth of that relationship instead of our own strength.  The truth is we can’t do any of it in our own strength, there are just times we are more aware of that truth than others.

Is there an area of your life that’s not working and in fact is failing?  How honest are you willing to be with God about it?  Are you willing to take the road of surrender back to Him and find out what it means to truly know Him and be one with Him?  Even if it means laying down your own agenda, your own future? Are you willing to see God’s promises come to fruition on His timetable and not yours? What is it that you really want from God?  Tell Him about it.

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Emerging from the Tomb

When I was about eight years old, I gave my life to Christ.  I bowed my knees and my head in front of our couch with my father and prayed the sinner’s prayer – and with all of my eight year old heart, I meant every word of it.  I wanted my sins forgiven and I wanted heaven.  I wanted that place of rest, perfection, and angels.  That place where I wouldn’t have to worry about getting everything right, I would then (sometime in the distant future) be right.

Unfortunately, my eight year old self missed a key component of the truth and in many ways I’ve been stuck there all these years.  I missed the fact that I wasn’t just forgiven of my sins, but I was actually crucified with Christ that day.  That day I died, but I didn’t know it.  I died and was resurrected as a completely new creature and from that point forward Christ was to live His life through me.  In hind sight I realize that like Lazarus, I heard Jesus call me out of the grave, out of death.  I answered, I said yes, but I never walked out of the tomb.

I’ve lived wrapped in my grave clothes, my flesh, all this time.  Instead of walking free, I’ve hobbled around bound.  Instead of walking in the Light, I’ve hidden in the dark.  Instead of living as a child of God, I’ve lived like a beggar.  Instead of walking in newness of life I’ve tried to resuscitate my dead flesh.  I’ve dressed it up to give it the illusion of life.  I’ve been very busy doing all the right things giving the appearance of life in Christ, but I was living in my own strength just spinning my wheels.

You know what the fruit of the flesh is?  Death.  We can’t manufacture life.  Only God gives life.

Many years ago, May of 1998, I believe, I heard Nancy Leigh DeMoss speak at a women’s conference in Atlanta, GA, about Jesus calling Lazarus forth from the grave in the gospel of John.  When I heard that message, you know who I identified with in the story?  The people who Jesus told to unwrap Lazarus’ grave clothes.  The people who were WATCHING the miracle.  The people Jesus gave something to DO.  It was a profound message.  It was a great message, but it reinforced a long-held belief that I have to DO in order to BE, that I have to perform for God to be accepted by God.

I have never, until very recently, identified with the one, Lazarus, who was actually resurrected.  The one who EXPERIENCED the miracle of new life. Isn’t that the gospel?  Dead people brought to life!  Resurrected people EXITING tombs, prisons of death, Light-less caves!

I am so grateful the Father has not left me in the tomb.  He has pursued me.  He has sent others to unwrap me with the message of grace.  As I daily soak in these truths I feel like one walking out of a tomb and into the Light.  Sometimes the Light is blinding and painful, but how freeing and how wonderful.  I feel like that eight year old girl is finally becoming the true version of herself that the Father ALWAYS intended.

My prayer every single day is, “Thank You Father for not giving up on me!  For being faithful to Your Word and NEVER leaving me nor forsaking me, for pursuing me and persuading me of Your love and of the free gift of Your amazing grace.”

Maybe you are wondering why on earth I would bare my soul this way.  Why would a woman who has hidden her entire life feel compelled to expose the ugliest parts of herself and, honestly, be naked in front of the world?  I don’t think I could say it any better than Elie Wiesel:

“No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night. We know that every moment is a moment of grace, every hour an offering; not to share them would mean to betray them.” ~ Elie Wiesel on the occasion of his Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech, December 10, 1986.

I know I am not the only one who missed the Truth and believed a lie.  My prayer is that my story will help unwrap someone else.

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A New Adventure

The week before New Year’s my husband and I went out to dinner one night.  I talked to him about writing and how I have always wanted to write a book.  I don’t remember exactly how the conversation went, but I am sure I shared all the reasons I have come up with not to write (e.g. Do I have anything worth saying?  Do I have anything to say that someone else hasn’t already said or said better? I don’t know what I am doing.  Would anyone read it?).  Finally, he said, “Well, why don’t you just go ahead and write the book?”

That one question was all I needed to propel me to start this blog a few days later (a special thank you to my husband).  A blog seemed a natural first step.  It gives me the opportunity to practice the discipline of writing on a regular basis.  Knowing that even a few others will actually read what I publish adds an extra layer of tension, good tension, that makes me work harder at it.

Early on in this leg of my journey I shared here how writing has been a life long dream for me (see Living the Dream).  While writing in this space is definitely part of a fulfillment of that dream, if I really get down to it, writing a book has been the heart of my dream.

Last weekend as I was perusing some posts by other bloggers that I follow, I came across an intriguing piece of information.  A writing conference in October (that I haven’t even decided to attend or even talked to my husband about come to think of it…hhhmmmm) is hosting a contest for aspiring non-fiction authors.  The winner will receive a contract with a well-known publisher.  A light went on in the back of my mind.  Even if my idea doesn’t win the contest, having a specific deadline and knowing professionals would read my work really piqued my interest.

But then I thought, “I don’t know about this, maybe it’s just my flesh.”  So I said what all good Christian women say when asking themselves if it’s the Holy Spirit or their flesh, “I’ll take it to the Lord.”  So I took it to Him and walked away with more questions than answers, like, “Lord, when would I even have time to write a book proposal? ” and “Lord, where would I start?”  In other words, I tried to tell God why it’s not really a great idea.

Fast forward to Monday morning…I woke up with a lot on my heart, but nothing on my computer screen ready to publish  (I am trying to post on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays so that I get into a regular rhythm of writing).  So I poured out my heart on my laptop (no kidding, I really cried writing that entire post about the woman with the hair and the tears and I still have more to say about that) and then I hit Publish.  Immediately my heart dropped to my stomach because I had published without giving it a title.  I made a MISTAKE!!!!

The next evening, Tuesday, I decided to write my post for Wednesday.  I tried to prevent another hasty title-less posting accident by writing it in advance and scheduling it to publish at a pre-determined day and time.  However, when I went to Preview it I hit Publish instead (they both have P’s, right???).  My second MISTAKE in two days!  It was immediately confirmed, I have no idea what I am doing.  By the end of the week I was really asking myself why on earth I thought I could possibly write a book if I can’t even manage to publish a blog the right way?

But God…on Wednesday, while blow drying my hair and talking to Him (that’s about the extent of my multitasking abilities), He gave me my starting point, the basic layout of the book.  I could clearly see it in my mind’s eye.  On Friday, He answered my other big question, “When would I have time to write?” by freeing up a couple of blocks of time in my weekly schedule.  But then the lies started to creep in and the insecurities of my mistakes that week rose up and began to taunt me.

So I did the next thing Christian women sometimes do when they are feeling overwhelmed, insecure and lost…I hopped online and looked for a conference where I could go and gather with others who already know what they are doing and learn how they did it!  I could learn from them how to do it the right way, with no mistakes.  Two particular conferences (they shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) seemed ideal in terms of content and speakers, but the more I read about them the more anxious I became.  I heard the Lord whisper to me, “If I gave you the idea, the outline and the time, don’t you think I can give you the whole thing?”

He let me know right then and there this journey is about me and Him.  It’s about our relationship, not about a finished product.  My journey is unique and to try to do it the same way as anyone else would be fraudulent, fake, without substance.  It wouldn’t be a true representation of what He is doing in my life.

The bottom line is the Lord and I will be spending the next month working on a book proposal.  I don’t like not knowing what I am doing.  I don’t like being uncertain of the outcome.  But I love this journey of learning to depend on God; of pursuing a relationship without worrying about producing content; of  learning to abide in Him and bear fruit instead of being independent and trying to manufacture my own.

John 15:4-5 – “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. 5 I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

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Faith Comes by Hearing

Continuing on the theme of hearing and listening from my last post A Hearing Problem or Listening Problem?…on our girls weekend, not only did we spend lots of time laughing at my “hearing”, but once again we each brought an activity for us all to do together.  The water color exercise from last year (see Invited In) had really set the bar high, but in no way was I disappointed this year.  We made hand-painted clocks (LOVED THIS!) and sock snow men (LOVED THIS TOO!):

Riverbend Crafts!

For those of you who know I am not crafty, my snow couple and clock face are in the bottom left-hand corner…proof that miracles still happen today!  For the record, I was so pleased with my snow couple that they are on prominent display in my living room on the TV stand, not in the bottom of my sock drawer.

Back to hearing and listening…on Sunday morning though we had a very different activity.  My closest friend for over 20 years shared about how God has been transforming her spiritual walk simply by LISTENING to His Word read aloud to her by an app on her iPhone on the way to work every day.  She is so excited about what God has been doing in her life that she wanted us to experience it as well.

For the most part, when God’s Word was given it was read aloud to the people.  Paper was not readily available and even if it were, for a long period of history only certain segments of the population could read and write which necessitated the Scriptures being read to people.  Most of the New Testament was recorded in the form of letters that were circulated and read aloud to churches in different communities.  All that to say, God’s Word was initially recorded in order to be HEARD by most, not read by most.

Here’s how this went down:  we listened to the entire book of First John from beginning to end without our Bibles in front of us, without paper to take notes on, without stopping and rewinding, without talking.  We just listened.  It only took about 15 or 20 minutes.  Then we listened to First John 3, but this time we had paper to jot down anything that seemed to jump out at us.  Then we listened to First John 3 one more time.  Once we had listened we discussed what spoke to our hearts.

As a Precept Bible study leader, as a visual learner, as someone who does not process a single thought without somehow writing it, typing it, or discussing it, THIS WAS STRANGE and very difficult.  It demonstrated to me just how hard it is to really listen.  Not just hear words, but listen to the message, understand the heart of what is being communicated.  It was interesting that all six of us heard things that we had not seen before when we read it.  It was also interesting that different parts of chapter three spoke to each one of us, but once we started discussing it we found how it was all related.

A+ on this activity!  It got bonus points not only for content, but because my sweet friend invited us into a special part of her life she wanted us to share in.

The following week as my partner in crime my teaching comrade and I prepared for our Jeremiah lesson we decided to give the listening exercise a spin with Jeremiah 7 – 9.  What a huge difference it made.  After having done all the homework for the lesson, to listen to it read aloud to me really helped me to HEAR God’s heart in the message.  It’s very easy to get caught up in all the details of the message (what are the key words? who is speaking to whom?  what are the repeated words or phrases?) but to listen to it as a whole brought into focus the main point – yes He’s telling them all the ways they’ve sinned, but His heart is that they Know Him.  I’m not ready to trade in my colored pens and pencils for ear phones, but I am grateful to add this dimension to my time in God’s Word each day!

Romans 10:17 – “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.”

John 10:27 –  “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.”

Deuteronomy 6:4 –  “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!”

If you would like to give it a try, Youversion has a Bible app for both iPhone and Droid that allows you to choose your version (I use NASB and ESV) and reads it aloud.

Also, just in case you are interested, the place we stay on our weekend getaway is Riverbend in Sparta, NC.  It’s amazing – peaceful, beautiful, serene, even inspiring.  Love it!

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A Hearing Problem or Listening Problem?

One Monday morning a few weeks ago I was sitting in my living room, drinking coffee, working on a post when my oldest daughter came flying down the stairs.  She had just gotten out of the shower, her hair was soaking wet and she was wrapped in a towel.  She was yelling, “There’s a buck…”, but what I heard was, “There’s a bug…”  She continued on, “in the back yard,” but my brain finished with, “in the bathroom.”

She took off with her iPhone to the kitchen trying to find the right position to take pictures.  I, on the other hand jumped up off the couch in search of a fly swatter and a roll of paper towels.  I took off up the stairs thinking that this must be one gross, mutant bug if she’s not coming with me, but she was standing at the back door staring outside trying to show me what was going on.  It took several seconds for my mind to shift gears, but once it did here is what I saw:

Monday Morning Visitor

It’s a little hard to see, but he really had a fairly large set of antlers.  We live in the city limits so this was so amazing to see in our back yard.  Sadly, The Great Hunter was at work and had to settle for pictures.

The next weekend was our annual girls’ getaway (I mentioned last year’s trip in a previous post Invited In).  Without totally humiliating myself let me just say I had two more episodes where people said one thing, but I heard another.  One girl friend told another, “Nice pearls,” but I heard, “Nice purse.”  The whole time she was telling this sweet story about the pearls I kept thinking, “Poor thing, she thought she asked about her pearls.”  The second incident happened at dinner when someone said, “…it was a B12 deficiency,” and I heard, “…it was beached whale deficiency!”  I was blessed to be with friends who love me and enjoy a good laugh.  (If at this moment you are at all concerned for me please know that my friends are praying for my hearing and my husband is saving money and taking donations for the hearing test I am obviously going to need in the future.)

What I found interesting about all three of these “episodes”, besides how funny they were, was how what I heard immediately caused my mind to think in completely the wrong direction.  Not only did I think in the wrong direction, but then my actions were determined by what I was thinking.  Let’s face it, a fly swatter and a roll of paper towels are not what I needed to take pictures of that beautiful deer in our back yard.

It has made me think about how often I face situations without all the facts and begin to make decisions or take action based on faulty information.  I’ve also been pondering how easy it is to make assumptions based only on part of the facts and how dangerous and hurtful it can be to those around me.  My “hearing episodes” above are funny, but it’s not so funny when I walk in on my kids in the middle of a disagreement and start doling out punishment without knowing the whole story.  It’s also not funny when I assume I know what someone else is thinking and judge them for it.

Father, You are the only One who sees all and knows all.  You alone search and try our hearts.  Give us the grace to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.  Let us see and hear with hearts full of Your grace towards others.

 

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Tears of Grace

Reading my devotional last week, “One Thousand Gifts Devotional”  by Ann Voskamp, I ran headlong into the story of the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears and dried them with her hair in the home of the Pharisee, Luke 7:

39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.”

40 And Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he replied, “Say it, Teacher.” 41 “A moneylender had two debtors: one owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 When they were unable to repay, he graciously forgave them both. So which of them will love him more?” 43 Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.” And He said to him, “You have judged correctly.” 44 Turning toward the woman, He said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You gave Me no kiss; but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet. 46 You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with perfume. 47 For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” 48 Then He said to her, “Your sins have been forgiven.”

As I read the devotion (Day 39 if you are interested, and I hope you are) I wept.  I wept like I never have over the picture of this woman in the house of a Pharisee.  I moved on several days in my reading, but I couldn’t shake the one about the woman with the tears and the hair. It is such an intimate and passionate expression of love.  So this weekend when I had a little time I went back to it and asked the Father for revelation.

Reading it over and over, and crying over and over, I realized that in all the times I’ve read this in my life I have always identified with the Pharisee in the story.  The one who invited Jesus into his home, but not his heart.  The one who wanted to eat with the Savior, but not commune with Him.  The one who wanted to dialogue with Him, not be changed by Him. The one who didn’t even know he needed a Savior because he had done it all right. The one in the story who is being corrected and told what he has done wrong.

As I wept, for the first time I was identifying with the one who had been forgiven much and knew it.  Knew she was not just forgiven for sins she committed (behaviors), but for being a sinner (identity).  The woman who knew not only what she had done, but who she was and without the Savior, she wasn’t going to make it. We are all sinners by BIRTH not because of what we do.  It’s in our very DNA – the strands of Adam woven into every cell of our body.  Sinners will sin, there’s no surprise.  But receiving the whole gospel sets us free and cleanses us not just from what we have done, but changes who we are.  It gives us the freedom to live from a new identity, one with Christ.

I prayed the prayer of salvation when I was about eight years old, but I missed the part where my identity changed.  I was just another little girl trying to be good for Jesus.  Thirty-six years later my tears are gratitude not only for forgiveness of what I have done, but for who I now am because of Him.

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Know Him

It’s Thursday afternoon, I am back from our Bible study class and brimming over with Jeremiah thoughts…

Two of the key verses we discussed today were, Jeremiah 9:23-24 (NASB):

23 Thus says the Lord, “Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; 24 but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord.  (Emphasis mine)

These verses are the culmination of a message that spans three chapters, 7 – 9.  To boil it down, God tells them not to rely on anything except understanding and knowing Him. Nothing else but relationship with Him can save.

From the beginning of chapter seven up until these verses God tells His people that they have been trusting in everything but Him.  They’ve been counting on the fact that they have God’s temple in Jerusalem, that they’ve been offering the appropriate sacrifices, that they have God’s law to save them from the coming judgment.  They were doing all the right things, but their hearts were not right.  They were offering their temple sacrifices (as they should) and then going out to steal, commit adultery, lie, and worship false gods (7:9-10).  In other words they didn’t understand and know their God and because of that judgment was imminent.

The word “know” is sprinkled throughout the first nine chapters of Jeremiah.  In all but one place it really refers to the fact that God’s people do not know Him.  Their sin had separated them from Him and they were not willing to return, repent and know Him.  It reverberates through the chapters like a heart cry of God…His own people did not know Him.  The people He created.  The people He called as a nation.  The people He led out of Egypt and gave the land of Israel.  The people who built His temple. Instead of obeying the voice of the Lord and following God they pursued the depths of sin leading them further away from Him.

But there was that one man…the first use of the word “know”, was Jeremiah 1:5a (NASB): “Before I formed you (Jeremiah) in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you;” 

What a mind-blowing statement! God knew Jeremiah before He formed him in the womb. Before his earthly life began in utero. Before He was wrapped in flesh God knew Jeremiah. The hebrew word for know is yada.  It can refer to everything from simply knowing facts to being aware of something to knowing intimately (as in a husband knowing his wife).  When God tells Jeremiah He knew him, it is an intimate knowing, a oneness of the two.  That is what God is crying out for with His people in chapter nine, and all the other chapters leading up to it. He is telling them He wants to be one with them. He wants intimate relationship and fellowship with them. And dare I say, He wants it with us.

Know Me.  Know Me.  Know Me.  It echoes through the first nine chapter like a lament.  Like a husband crying out for his wandering wife (Hosea).  Like a father calling out for his lost children. 

Isn’t this also the message of the gospel? The message of grace?  Know Me.  He gave His Son simply to make a way for us to know Him. To fully give ourselves to relationship with Him. To know Him completely and be known by Him completely.  To have relationship with Him based on who He is, not what we do.

In the past I have really only thought about the gospel in terms of being forgiven of my sins (my behaviors) and going to heaven. Basically I reduced it to Behavior Management.  Now that doesn’t sound like the abundant life Jesus promised, does it?  the truth is, it’s so much MORE, and it’s SO MUCH BETTER! Abundant life is Christ living in us – us completely knowing Him and Him completely knowing us – being one with Him.  Now that’s a mind-blowing thought!